Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
