We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The ass gains better be worth it
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