I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
