we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
