I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
