I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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