I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize