I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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