I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
