the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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