So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
