his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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