Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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