the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
