i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
