i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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