Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
