I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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