the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
