I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
