Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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