I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
