I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize