Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
