Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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