I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
