My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
