Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
