that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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