I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
