she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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