the condom got lost in my hair
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize