remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
