i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
