At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
