And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
