I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
