yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
