Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
