1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
