Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
