I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
