She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
