i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
high people should be assigned attendants
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
