If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
