well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize