I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
