I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
