420 ftw
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
