Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
