We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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