I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
