just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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