People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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