One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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