And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
