I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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