I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this boner is exhausting
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
