I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
