You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
