haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I love black thongs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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