She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
