She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
