So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
