I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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