mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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