You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize