can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
