There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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