The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
