hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
