a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize