sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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