He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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