She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
